Happy Father's Day!

I believe in second chances and third and many more when it comes to
forgiving. Fathers play a crucial role in a child's life. In America,
statistics say that one in three homes live in biological father
absent homes. I was one of those three. I didn't have the privilege to
have my father with me as I grew up. Lots of tears, anger and fear
would come and go as a consequence from that.


My father has reached
out to me several times now and every single time I doubt that he's
really sorry, or that he actually regrets what he did, what he neglected. I say
"ok" and just listen to what he has to say so that the "hang up" part
comes and the conversation can end. My attitude is cold and I try to
hold it together so I can simply move on with my life (because
honestly it hurts to be re-living it all over again). The question is:
have I forgiven my father for not being there when I actually needed
him? When my mom would struggle to pay rent or when my sister would
consistently ask if dad would be coming home soon? My feelings and
flesh say no to forgiving and always will because as humans we tend to
cover up and put up walls to things that hurt us. I figured not too
long ago that covering things up and avoiding them is not quite the
way to get by in life. Saying that God is my father and always will be
is true but that doesn't take away the reality of my life: I had no
earthly father for a good chunk of my life.


Don't get me wrong, I am
more than thankful for receiving the gift of believing in Jesus as my
God and father. The Gospel's wonderful news is that I am now an adopted
child of God. What I think happens to me at times is that I am aware
of the gift but I don't embrace it as my own. Why? Well because if I
believe in a God who has saved me, forgiven me, and redeemed me then I
should be extending that same gift to others regardless of what
they've done. Easier said than done right? I know.
I am so glad it is not in my own strength and power that I need to
forgive others. SO glad. If I did that, I would have given up a long
time ago and redemption would never happen in my life.


I am thankful that the power and strength to forgive comes from Him and my reason to
forgive is because I have been forgiven and loved first. May that be a
catalyst to embrace and forgive.
I also know what it is to hurt someone and have done it several times.
I know what it feels to ask for forgiveness and be told "I can't
forgive you right now". I know what it feels like to be genuinely
sorry for something and have to carry the guilt of what I did because
it's been made clear to me that forgiveness has not been extended to
me.


As I thought about these instances, I thought of my father's
situation. I thought about him as a person who must carry that burden
daily because he wonders if he's been or ever will be forgiven. I
imagine the feelings he has when I give him a cold "yes" for the time he asks for forgiveness. Whether the man deserves to be forgiven by me or not is not up to me. I mean, I've been forgiven by a holy God who chose to forgive me. I'm not a father who abandoned his children, but I am someone who has made mistakes in life and continues to sin on a daily basis. If it wasn't for the Lord's mercy and grace, who knows how my life would be.


I do want to clarify that forgiving is not forgetting. Sometimes things that we have done or that have been done to us have short or long term effects; and we live with it. Forgiveness might look different to you as you see how I deal with it on this journey with my father, and it might look different to me as I see how a wife/husband forgives his/her unfaithful spouse. Just because I'm saying all these things does not mean that I have forgotten what it feels like to not have had a father when I speak to him over the phone. Forgiveness is not just saying you forgive, it also has a practical aspect to it.


What it practically looks like for me is when I speak to him over the phone I am intentional about listening to what he has to say and drop my "cold" attitude. It means that that I embrace his feelings and take them seriously. Maybe you are dealing with it differently because all cases are different. Regardless of what your case might be, if you know the Lord, He knows your heart and will be working in your life as your eyes are opened to His Gospel and his forgiveness toward you. May that be your hope. May you embrace His forgiveness over what we've been wronged with first. This late Father's Day post is simply me attempting to take a step further into forgiving my dad and embracing him as a person. I believe that there are many out there who have grown up without an earthly father and wanted to share a bit of my experience with you today.


I believe in second chances, and third and many more. Despite the outcome. I know who I am and in whom I believe.


Happy Father's Day, Dad!

Remember me?

Hi!
It is me, yes, same ol' Bev, still engaged, and happy to be blogging again! :)
It has definitely been a while and I have definitely missed coming over to write. I was afraid I'd come back to my page as a married girl! BECAAAAAUSE...I get married in 40 days!

INSANE! I cannot believe or grasp that thought quite yet. It's coming though. I am excited and oh so happy too! I can't really express the feeling. I have had 3 nightmares so far of my wedding day where things go missing, I don't get my hair done, one of the bridesmaids is missing, zero decorations are placed and set on the wedding day, the day is the windiest of all in the year, basically a disaster. I wake up with my heart up my throat wanting to figure everything that went wrong in my dream out so that it won't happen on the real day. Then I stop and think that it was just a dream and whether things are actually chaotic and stressful before or during the wedding, I believe that I am still going to be getting married to my man and be able to call him my husband at the end of the day, which is all that matters.
This whole experience of planning a wedding has been QUITE the experience. First, you need to understand that I am a girl who has this very chill type B personality. Things that need to get done in life, in my world they can always wait. I am a turtle when it comes to taking action. I like to think.....a bit too much. So, going back to wedding planning, I am thankful that I've had friends, family and  my own fiance asking me if I have this, if I've thought of that, am I gonna do this for the reception, decoration, checklists, etc etc. SO UNENDING! I don't think I've gone crazy just yet, but I'm just saying that it's all come along because of my lovely people. I've made my decisions, and have picked things out but I can't really say I've done this all by myself and on my own. I love it though. Disagreements from different ends have crossed paths, budgets have had to be limited or expanded in certain areas, I've had moments of over complicating things, moments of thinking "what will people think of this?", etc.
All of these situations have been moments meant to mold my life and make me realize what's important and what really matters. Most importantly I've been able to see the eternal value of this whole little ceremony that will take place soon. I understand that every girl dreams of this day and it's meant to be special and "perfect" but having that as my focus I believe will lead me towards the wrong direction such as frustration, stress, an emotional roller coaster, and so on with the unending thoughts; versus focusing on my own self such as preparing myself mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically of course ;). I will mention to you some things I've been meditating on myself about this stage of life I'm living and this new stage I'm about to hop on! Here goes:

1. Thinking of things such as how I can be more loving towards the guy I'm going to marry (things I can probably say more often, do more often, pray for more often about his life, etc)
2. Trying to look and pin areas of my life that need some sharpening and some change from the only one that can change lives. I pray for sensitivity to be able to see and acknowledge these areas in order to see even more the need I have for the Lord to teach me.
3. Embracing the Lord's love and grace towards my undeserving life and embracing sin as something bitter so Christ can become even sweeter. You have no idea how much that has helped me see more things through a more clear lens. As opposed to seeing Kevin with judgmental, disappointed eyes at times, when I'm able to see my own sin as something bitter and horrible, I am able to appreciate the Lord's love and grace more, therefore making me see Kevin through eyes of grace, love and even forgiveness at times when things aren't the prettiest.  (BTW that quote "Til sin be bitter, Christ will be sweet" was from the book I am currently finishing up called "When Sinners say I do" By David Harvey).

Ok, and that's it for now! I have learned so much! :) But I also wanted end this post by sharing some of my engagement pics with you and hopefully coming back soon to chat some more! :)

We had our own little vintage theme

The end...:) for now. 

Big News! :)

Hiiiiiiii :D

I am so happy and excited to share some big news with you! As of Saturday January 19, 2013, I became an engaged lady. I feel happy, excited and so very thankful. I just wanted to quickly update you on that since it's just insane to me still to think that this is real. As in I am getting married!!!! :O :D

It's a definite mix of emotions I NEVER thought I'd have and I am just thankful to the Lord for allowing me to meet such an amazing guy, friend, and future husband. Here are some pics that were taken during the whole thing! The story? That will be coming up soon! :) 

He had a beautiful Set up! :)

At a dear friends dock near a lake :)

So pretty! :)

One of the books he used during the event. 

Custom made! :)

My reaction after finding out people were actually present!!! :P

For now, I hope you enjoy the pictures! :) 

Thanks for being part of this by reading this! :) Coming up....the story. :)

Stay tuned! 

Conversations 'til 7am!

Hello there! :) I am awake! I cannot believe I am because I fell asleep at 7am this morning and had to get up at 8:30am because I was meeting up with a great friend of mine for breakfast! Cancel? Heck no! :P I had not seen this girl in forever so, no. It was great btw. :) 

This Girl down below and I fell under the spell of not sleeping and staying up and about ALL night. 

Last night was great! Not only because I got to hang out with my roommate and friend, but because our conversation was amazing. It was just one of those conversations where things just flow and you try to say everything that you've had in mind about the subject that it's just impossible to stop! Especially when the other person has been thinking about the same thing and is as passionate about the conversation as you are! I would loooove love to share with you sometime what it was about and how our minds just kept going at it. I mean, we started at 3am until 7am when my eyes suddenly got insanely heavy! I just wanted to share how very blessed I am to have people in my life I can talk to and be myself with. It is pretty freeing and real because it's friends like these that you can count on and simply encourage to continue despite anything that is going on in life. Because....it's not like life is perfect right? Or that WE are perfect right? Yet when we seem to speak to people we tend to say everything is fine, we tend to talk about the success in such and such, or how we accomplished X thing, and how happy "such" thing makes us, etc. We also do that in church right? Attend, be civil, say hello here and there, try to fellowship some and say what? OH! That everything thank the Lord is fine *smile*, and go to the next person or just go on to lunch or whatever is next. People say church is like a hospital right? For the broken and the needy. Do we think that the broken and needy at times are just the new comers who might not know the Lord or that one person we think is in some serious mess? How about me? Me? Mmmmm.....sometimes, but right now things are good, relationship with the Lord? beautiful! Not really broken today, nothing messy going on today. "Everything is fine." 

More on that, some other time I can gather my thoughts better and tell you more. Our conclusion though, I will say it because it's a truth that we should ask the Lord consistently to live by, and that is the Gospel. The Gospel is what breaks it down for us and anyone. It's what we should hold on tight to every day, at all times. :) I encourage you to do that and ask the Lord to reveal even the most hidden, unknown things in your life that might be interfering with your relationship with the Lord. Because truth is, we can't see it all and spot everything that is wrong in our lives. Truth is, we need Him...always. 

The day He told me to be still...

Hello there! :) 

So I am sick! Caught a cold from the million people I've come in contact with who have happened to have a cold OR the flu! Geesh! It' everywhere! But I am super thankful I haven't started working yet so I could stay home, sleep, rest, and sleep. :) The weather hasn't been more perfect here these days for doing that exact thing: sleep. So I have been blessed. :) Good times I'm sure I will miss at some point. 

But today I wanted to share with you something that the Lord literally showed me and nudged me with.  

I can call this a memorable moment because it made me cry and made me not want to acknowledge what was right in the moment. Something just bothered me so bad, that I let it get to me and I became very mad about it. I let my mind unravel and develop the worst thoughts of what I saw. Have you ever done that? Not only judge someone, but turn what you have judged into something exaggerated? Anyways, I did not know what to do! I wanted to just tell everyone how horrible this situation was and have someone just agree with me and lend me a hand on how I felt. But then again, I knew that's not what I needed exactly, but I still went ahead and spilled the beans shared the story with my boyfriend...hoping to hear an empathetic and comforting answer.

 All I got was: Beverly, just pray about it. 

I honestly wanted a little more than that, so I continued my rant, adding a little more details to make it sound intense and dramatic...got the same answer: 

Beverly, have you prayed about it? Just pray about it. Will you do that? 

Me: -_-........fine. (Conversation ended)

At this time, not only anger was flowing but tears, sadness, and more unraveled thoughts were too. So all I did was crawl into bed and start praying anything of that situation I had in mind to the Lord. I told Him I did not understand what was going on, a ton of "why's", a couple of "I'm trying's", and "what do you want me to do's". Teary eyed, I got my "she reads truth"plan and saw what the passage of the day was. Just so you know, I don't just open my Bible for my devotionals randomly to see if there's any passage that applies directly to a situation in my life every time there is something going on, but I do believe that the Lord in his sovereignty and love saved this passage and devo for me that day at that exact time. It was Exodus 14:14: The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. 

I went: Nah, this can't be it...so I read the whole chapter to get a little more of the context of the verse. Some context I got. My heart sank, I did not know what to say. I was left speechless after seeing it so clearly. Israel had just gotten out of Egypt. In this chapter Pharaoh decides to come for the Israelites and

bring them back to Egypt. The Israelites see them coming in their fancy chariots, and what do they do? 

v. 11 They said to Moses, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt?...(sarcasm much?)

v. 12b "It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"

Oh they did not go there! (you might say), but oh, yes they did. And so did I. So do I. As much as we can say how stubborn and silly the Israelites were, that's when the more I realize I am just like them....in some aspects? No, every single one. 

The devotional content said something that made me think of my puzzle (life): "The Israelites were terrified. As my pastor points out, they hadn't seen the movie. they didn't know what was coming. And in the Moses moments of our own lives- when we are asked to believe what we cannot see, to walk in a way that seems beyond impossible- we don't know either. The Israelites' doubt and forgetfulness did not disqualify them from God's redemption and promise. Neither did their past sin- even their future sin!- keep them from God's rescue. God wrote the story. They had only to walk in it." 

How true is that??? This chapter of Scripture just hit the nail for me after seeing such a Sovereign God who knew what was going to happen and was in control of every single event of the story, a God who gains glory in every single aspect of everything, a loving God, a powerful God to part the sea in two, a patient God to encourage his people despite the words, a caring and detailed God who provided a pillar of cloud to protect and provide light, and a God who kept his word through it all. I don't know what my puzzle looks like either, just like Israel didn't know squat about their story, but if the Lord was manifested and glorified through their story, He can do the same with mine and yours. That moment just opened my eyes and the Word of God humbled me. I felt thankful and encouraged to actually trust in Him and be still. Being still made me realize that I cannot do anything in my own strength, "wisdom", "discernment", or power. I was able to realize, that actually, I am not in control of the situation I presented to Him. Therefore, I was still. And oooh, how have I already seen the Lord's molding and action as the days have gone by. 

I will always remember this night I am talking about. All I can say and testify is that God listens, and He definitely answers. As you recall, at the beginning of this whole story I wanted an empathetic shoulder, and someone who could say what I wanted to listen. Well, the Lord had something better and much more loving than what I was expecting to be loving such as: "I'm sorry Beverly, daughter of mine, how dare...." "Here, let me make this go away for you." 

His Word is potent, peeps. 

I encourage you to dig into his word and to examine your life and see if there are any areas in which your strength and self control are taking over, and maybe you are needing to be still and see what HE has to do in those areas of your life...not you. Maybe you're like me, seeking to hear what you want to hear. I challenge you to seek the opposite, because sometimes what we want to hear is not the best for us. Sometimes we actually do need some sense kicked into us :) 

Thank you for reading this. I know it got long but it is definitely something that was in my heart to share with you. 

Until next time! :)

HAPPY....new....year! :)

I can still say happy new year right!??? lol It doesn't have to be Jan 1st to say it! Although it would have been ideal to do so. 

HIIII! :) 

Long time no see! I have been gone for a while because my computer has not been with me lately. It has been blessing another soul....(kevin) haha. But I have it for today! :) 

I hope that you had a great Christmas and New year! Hope that the resolutions are still marching forward! :) The new year has definitely started and flown for me already! I mean, come on, we are in the middle of the the first month already! I think it's funny how business is, as soon as December is gone, Valentine's decorations and things start popping up! Soon enough it'll be Easter and so on with the speed of time! Such is life though. 

I wanted to do a little recap on how my new years get-together was for me and show you a little of what went on. :) So hang in there and bear with me because here I go:

Made a balloon drop people! :)

So this balloon drop was intense! A few days before the 31st, I was sitting on my couch just thinking. I suddenly looked up and the idea came to mind! I had never heard or had ever seen one of these before. There I was, trying to figure the whole thing out, how it was going to hang, what I should use to sustain the balloons, etc. Then I decide to tell Kevin and ask for ideas for my brilliant and awesome "original" idea! 

His response: Baby, I'm sure there have been several people who have done this before. Look it up on pinterest and I'm sure it'll be on there. 

(world came crumbling down...) exaggerated much? Yes. 

Well, I thought it was funny because according to myself I thought this was original, and for some reason thought no one else in this world had done it before. ha! So much for that. But I still count it as an original self idea and it turned out to be fun which is what counts. :) 

People were ready to bring it down!

And there is went! :) 

There was some dancin'

And some of this! :)

With my K!

And with some of the ladies :)

Overall, it was a great time. So then on the 1st we decided to go to Thomas Jefferson's house in Charlottesville. It's called Monticello. Beautiful from the outside and the inside! Love that house! And your cool fact of the day (which you might already know) is that this is the house our nickels have imprinted!  :) That man was a genius. 

Now, I am excited to start my real job and see how this whole commuting situation works for me. If I hadn't mentioned it, my job will be 45 minutes away. A bit scary for the days I'm dead and have to drive back but good because I know friends who live in the area and can totally stay there if there was such a situation. Nurse Beverly.....:) Hi! That's me! :)

I start on January 28th so it's definitely coming. The "good life" is coming to its end. I will miss my little Jacob dearly, but will be seeing him around. But I am ready to embrace this new journey of the nursing world. :) Comfy scrubs, tennis shoes....come on! Doesn't it make you want to be a nurse?? :) :P

I also wanted to quickly tell you that I have joined this bible reading plan that has a blog and is on instagram! :) Very neat! It is called "She reads truth" and if you click here, you can take a look at it and see more of what I am talking about. It is awesome! I would encourage you to join if you haven't already! You can do it anywhere you have internet! :) I'll have to tell you tomorrow how the Lord used one of the passages from this plan to teach me a lesson and show me love through it too. 

But anyways, I hope you are having a great start of your week and hope you have a good rest of it! :) 

Bye 2012!

Hello!
I am back! On the very last day of 2012! :) I'm excited!
So, I wanted to let you know of a few things that went on for my christmas and such. I definitely had a great time in New York. My mother was there and she will be for the next few days! I am very happy and thankful that she is here visiting my sister and I. That woman is my hero, my angel, my mother. I'll probably write on more of that next year! ha!
Anyways, it was a good time with family, with friends who actually came up with us, and joy! Here are some visuals for you to see :)

The beautiful tree at the Rockefeller Center. 

The three of us little women.

Cool shot of part of this awesome city 

Can't miss the shot with my Kevin

With Brooke! She is awesome! 

Surprised Cynthia on her bday! :)

Of course. 

I must say that he is a great barista already! Passionate about coffee? This guy right here!

Passionate about the love of their lives? These two up here! ;)

So these are just a few of the events that took place for my Christmas. It was a great time overall. I cannot complain one tiny bit.

I also wanted to write a little on what my thoughts are on this year we are about to conclude. Honestly, I am thankful. I was taking a moment earlier today to just look back and reflect on the things that the Lord allowed and didn't allow. In the end I became overwhelmed by gratefulness and joy for the things that I did and that the Lord allowed me to accomplish and enjoy, but the one thing I hold dear in my heart and am forever thankful for is His salvation. His work accomplished in the cross, for His glory, because He loves me. In the moments I was down or felt weary and weak this year , God was there. To think of such a thing amazes me. The God of gods, the God of the universe was there.....with......me! For that and more, I give him the credit. I have definitely seen how the puzzle pieces that were handed to me this year have fallen into place (not all of them of course, but many). 

I found some great encouraging words in Ephesians 1 today. Paul prayed this for the Ephesians and this is something I am praying for myself and you this coming year. May you hold it close to your heart and hang on to such solid truth always. 

From verses 15-22 it says:

¹⁵ For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, ¹⁶ I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, ¹⁷ that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, ¹⁸ having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, ¹⁹ and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might ²⁰ that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, ²¹ far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. ²² And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church,²³ which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.

I hope you have a great day and that you have a great start to the new year too! :) I am glad to be here sharing some thoughts with you and thank you for reading the silly/random things that are posted on my blog. :) 

P.S. Here is my bench! I like the color it came out to be! I must confess I freaked out a little bit because it looked pink at first when it was drying......but thank goodness it turned out to be the color I wanted! :) I love it! 

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